I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
