Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
