some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
