just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
