$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
