i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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