We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
