somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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