Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
