i just had sex bonerless
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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