yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
