so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
