I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
