I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
