when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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