We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
