who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
