He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
