ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
