He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
