Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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