If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
