In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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