I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
