i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
