Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
