you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
