I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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