When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
