so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
