Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
