I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
