i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
