I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think your dad took our porno
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
