I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
