The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
NoShamevember. You game?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
