I'll bet she douches with gravy.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
