I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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