Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
