how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
