So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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