is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
