note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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