You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
