he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I want to fling myself into the sun
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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