so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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