I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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