Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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