this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
