I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
