epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
