we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize
