i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Randomize
