and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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