Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Randomize
