haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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