Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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